Thursday, January 30, 2014

birthday boy

My sweet little man...

Every year I write a letter to you and this year as I was thinking about what I wanted to say, I decided that my previous post was a tribute to the amazing year you've had this past year.  While there have been struggles, you continued to shine through them all.  You've learned how to read, you've lost 2 teeth, and you have exceeded my expectations after we moved you away from the only home you'd ever known.  You have really just grown up right before my eyes into this amazing, funny and sensitive boy that is my whole heart living outside my body.
My favorite picture of you taken in the NICU ~ you were about 2 weeks old

So for this letter, I want to tell you about today.  I am writing this on the day before your 7th birthday.  All day I've had fun teasing you and "pretending" to cry and be sad that everything you did today was the "last" time you'll do them when you are six.  The last day of school being 6, the last good night story, the last kiss, the last hug.  You would smile and giggle but then very seriously you asked me "But you will still love me when I'm seven, right mom?"  Oh my sweet boy, you make me laugh so much.  I told you I would love you even more, and more every day after that.

As we hugged before bed, and you went to hear a story with daddy and I went to read to your sister, I came downstairs and paused by your room.  I couldn't help myself.  I had to go in and cuddle with you.  You have a loft bed, so it isn't easy for people to lay and cuddle with you anymore, which I know you miss that.  So I took off my glasses, and climbed up the ladder.  You had this huge grin on your face and asked me what I was doing.  I scooped you into my arms and you nestled right in, just like you did when I first held you.  Right then and there I knew what it felt like to not have a care in the world but being with you.  The mountain of dishes and laundry could wait.  Setting up your birthday decorations and wrapping your presents could wait.  My computer time could wait.  Time stood still and I just laid there with you in my arms and I prayed.  I thanked God for you, and for the miracle that you are.  I thanked Him for all He has taught us through you and your amazing life.

I rubbed your back and you got "goose" bumps.  I couldn't talk to you, because your hearing aids were shut off and on your nightstand below us.  I have always known what it was like to lay with you and cuddle at bedtime with no words.  Sometimes I think those have been the best times, because silence speaks volumes.  We can look at each other and love surrounds us.  You know what I am thinking.  You know how much I love you.  And you are happy.  No words are necessary.

I gave you one last "six year old" kiss and patted your back and you turned around, put your little arm around my neck and said "stay."  Ohmyheart.  Melted right then and there.  I stayed.  I could have stayed there forever.  This time I just watched you.  I watched your eyes flicker closed, your chest rise and fall, I noticed a little piece of your hair the lady forgot to clip off at your hair cut last week.  I noticed the shape of your little nose is just like mine.  I just studied everything about your sweet little face.  I was soaking you in.  I know you won't be little for much longer, and you are growing up right before my eyes.  As I felt you relax and fall asleep, I kissed you one last time and crawled back down the ladder.  The memory of this night will stay with me forever.

You fell asleep with a smile on your face.

And my heart is as happy as it could ever be.

I love you my sweet little boy, you are my world.

Love Mama

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