***I think it is quite obvious, for people who have been following our journey for a while, how much we love and adore Andrew. How amazing we think he is. That we believe he is only here with us because of the grace of God and the miracle that HE gave us. He allowed us to keep Andrew with us. He held Andrew’s heart in HIS hands while the surgeons worked for 12 hours to keep him alive. He gave me the greatest honor imaginable.
He allowed me to be a MOTHER.
I was fortunate enough to have been blessed with an amazing mother myself. I am her only child, and we have always had that special “mother-daughter” bond. Many people who know my mom and me would say that we look exactly alike. We act the same. We laugh the same. We even think alike, because often we will say the same thing at the exact same time.
Mom and I have this special relationship that is almost more sister-like. We have always been a close family, and I always knew I could tell my mom anything (although, if I really wanted something I’d know to ask dad first!) Many nights when I would come home after being out with friends, she’d be asleep in my bed, the lamp softly lit, with her book and glasses placed carefully in her hands. She always wanted to hear about my night, no matter what time it was. (Ok, maybe this was a ploy because she knew I’d have to wake her up… so she’d know if I was late getting home!) But seriously though, I have learned more than I could ever have imagined from my mother. She is a giver. The most unselfish person I know. She thinks of others before herself and she would do anything in the world for me.
And I can only hope that I am the same mommy to Andrew as she was to me.
My mother’s hand is on top of mine, and Andrew is holding her thumb… Beautiful.
I don’t know if there are even words to describe the kind of grandmother she is to Andrew. She has not missed one moment of Andrew’s life. She has been there from the moment he was born, through every surgery and procedure, never leaving his side. Many nights in the hospital she would be the one to hold him all night to give Craig and I a much-needed break, not sleeping more than a few minutes herself. Back when Andrew was a baby and got sick one night when Craig was working and I was alone, she got right in the car and drove to be with us (and believe me, this happened on more than one occasion!) Andrew and his Ga Ga have an indescribable bond.
This weekend is a time for us to honor mothers. And grandmothers.
Mother's Day Weekend 2009
I longed to carry a child. To feel what it was like. I couldn’t begin to imagine the feeling it would be to KNOW there was another little person, inside ME, alive. With a tiny heart beating. But reality was setting in that it just might not happen for us. I refused to believe that God had not intended for me to be a mother. And when I finally let God take over and I began to trust in HIM, that is when He blessed us. I can’t even begin to describe the feeling I felt when our doctor finally called with the news. Pure JOY. It almost felt like I could walk on water. I am positive there is no feeling like it in the world.
Then there was the part about being a mother that I wasn’t prepared for. The “heart” mommy part. I wasn’t prepared to not get the chance to hold my son the moment he was born. For them to place him in my arms as I kiss him gently.
This is the first time I held Andrew- he was already one day old.
I wasn’t prepared to see him so tiny (3 lb 13 oz to be exact!) lying in that little bed with only a hole in the side for me to touch him. I didn’t know that getting to just hold him in my arms was going to be such a task, dodging tubes and wires and oxygen machines. I wasn’t prepared to watch the doctors wheel my son down the long hallway for his first of many open-heart surgeries. I definitely wasn’t prepared for how that was going to feel.
Hadn’t I already learned my “lesson”… to cherish this precious life inside me more than life itself?
That was only the beginning. God wanted to teach me more.
And He did. So much more. So much more than I could have ever hoped, or imagined, or dreamed of.
Happy Mother's Day to all mothers...and grandmothers... especially my own.
We love you, mom!