Saturday, March 5, 2011

Our Girl

Out little man gets a lot of attention on this blog, so I thought it was time to give some to our girl!  When I was pregnant with Andrew, I kept a journal, which I saved on our computer, but I never posted it anywhere publicly (that was before the need for carepages, which then became the blog!  Ha!)  Now I am addicted to blogging.  I have said it before, but there is no better way for me to document our families memories than this blog.  I so appreciate those of you who read it to keep up with our family, but the truth is, even if only 2 people read it, I would still do it!  It is for us.  A documentation of our lives.  So I am going to share my feelings here, at the risk of offending anyone or opening the doors for debate.  This is not a debate, it is just our life.  And the things I write are things I want to remember, things I want my children to know someday.  And I want our little girl to know this...

I have wanted a daughter my entire life.

Back when we had problems getting pregnant, I began to wonder if we would ever be able to have children.  When we were blessed enough to conceive Andrew through In-Vitro fertilization, I knew deep down that he was a boy.  I knew the whole time.  I bonded with a little boy, and I cried tears of joy when we found out after our 20 week ultrasound.  He was a fighter from the very beginning when we didn't hear his heartbeat right away and thought we lost him.  He hung on and stayed strong, and continued to stay that way his whole life.  Our little boy is everything to me- he is my life, and I love him more than anything in the world.  I have loved having a little boy.  Our bond is the most amazing and special bond that could never be explained.  The joy God has given me by giving me Andrew, is a joy that is beyond anything I could have ever imagined.

When Andrew slowly but surely made it through his developmental delays and we became ready for another child, I knew deep down that we might not be able to conceive a second time.  And I also knew that if we were blessed enough to have another child, that this would be our last one.  And even deeper down, I secretly wished for a girl.  I prayed for God to give me a daughter.  When we conceived on our second cycle of IUI's, I was overjoyed.  It was much faster and less invasive than what we went through to have Andrew.  I couldn't help but be nervous early on in the pregnancy.  But as the weeks crawled by, I had a feeling right away that this baby was a girl.  And that she was meant to be here.  We saw her strong heartbeat very early on, and it was much faster than Andrew's.  I was sicker this time around, and I just felt slightly different than before.  All just little signs, but I was pretty sure.  As the ultrasound got closer though, I certainly talked myself into the possibility of a boy, because I did not want to be disappointed.  I knew I wouldn't have been.  Andrew would have loved a little "brudder," and if he had been anything like Andrew, there is no way that he wouldn't have captured my heart.

My mom and I have an amazing relationship and we always have.  We were always more like sisters and friends than mother and daughter, however, my mom is always there when I need her, and that is very "motherly."  Watching her transition from a mother into the most wonderful grandmother that exists, is something that has also brought me great joy.  The bond she has created with Andrew is also something unexplainable.  The best gift she gives to our family is her time.  A day never goes by that we don't talk and I tell her something cute or funny that Andrew did.  She always wants to know.  Rarely two or three days go by that she doesn't see us.  She knows Andrew as well as I do, and I am so grateful for that.

Because my mom and I are so close, I longed for that same relationship with a daughter of my own.  I wanted to do the things that my mom and I always did together... shopping, going to girly movies or shows, getting pedicures, doing our hair, sun-tanning on the boat together... I could go on and on.  

So, when Craig and I left the doctor's office that day, I couldn't wait to open that envelope.  We had the ultrasound tech write it down for us and she taped it all up inside an envelope.  My hands were practically shaking as I opened it.  When I saw those words "I'm a GIRL," I completely lost it.  Right there in the parking lot of the OB's office.  I sobbed uncontrollably for most of the ride home (a 20 minute drive!).  Of course it was in between giggles, because I think I was scaring Craig a little bit!  Ha!  I could literally not stop the tears.  I told Craig that I had never felt that much joy in all my life.  Even more than when we found out I was pregnant in the first place!  It was a feeling I have definitely never had before.  All I could think about was that God and my dad had sent this little girl to me, and how did I get this lucky?  She was so meant to be.  From day one.

This is two different photos- the first is her arm and hand up by her head, the other is just a shot of her tiny fingers.

I cannot stop thanking Craig for giving me this precious little girl.  He had to be talked into going back to the fertility clinic the second time around.  He wasn't as sure as I was that he wanted to do this again.  I know he did it for me.  I just cannot believe that the two of us have created these two perfect little people... one amazing little boy, and one precious little princess.  I have completely fallen in love with Craig all over again (not that I didn't always love him!  Ha!)  But I just see him differently now than I did on that special day of our wedding.  I love this new chapter of our lives, and watching him be a daddy.  Together, we have beaten the odds, weathered many storms, and come out of it with one amazing little family.  All of my dreams have come true.  I feel like the most blessed woman on this Earth.  
And I am giving all of the glory to God.

When Craig and I first met and began to talk about having children one day, we discovered that we both loved the same name for a girl.  I couldn't believe that he had her name in his head before he even knew me, and I had the same one picked out.  Of course, that was almost ten years ago now!  And we still love  it.  Of course there are a couple of others floating around in my head (how could they not??) but that special name keeps creeping back.  Again, I know it is meant to be.  We are going to keep her name a surprise until she comes.  But I do want to share one thing about her middle name, and so some of you will figure it out, but that's okay!

When we found out that Andrew was a boy, I tried and tried to think of a way to honor my father with his name.  My dad had passed away four years before Andrew was born, but his name wasn't exactly an easy one to name a son after.  His first name was Bill.  Not William, but "Billie."  Yes, spelled that way and everything!  Ha!  His middle name was simply the initial "G," after his father, Grier.  I think there was a dispute some 80 years ago between his mother and father on that one.  His father never liked his name, so he didn't want my dad's middle name to be "Grier," but his mother did.  So "G" was the compromise.  Needless to say, nothing seemed to fit so we included my maiden name "Ellett" on his birth certificate as a formality, to honor my dad in some way.

However, my dad's mother was the most special person in his life.  She died of cancer when my dad was only fifteen years old and it affected him very much.  I grew up knowing what a special lady my grandmother was, and I can only imagine, because my father was the most wonderful man in the world.  He told me many stories about his mother, and I always knew that someday I wanted to name my daughter after her.  I know that nothing I could ever do would please my dad more.  So there's another reason that this little girl was meant to be.  So those of you in my family who know my dad's mother's name know half of our daughter's name anyway!  Ha!  But we'll have to wait until July to hear the rest (and let's hope she stays in there until July!)

So that is the first part of the story of our baby girl.
This little guy is pretty happy about his baby sister, too.  He is always giving her hugs and kisses.
  These faces capture the love I know Andrew and his little sister will share for a lifetime...

A boy and a girl... who could ask for anything more?

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